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Sunday, May 08, 2011

Songs that are too beautiful to describe

fix you.

Fix you by Coldplay (this band is too awesome)

I had the chance to chat with Nesh again,it was so sad I wanted to cry,I really miss her & its so sad to know that she's so far apart from me,all the way at Germany. We talked about life,we were talking about boys,we got so emo-ed up because boys made us so sad.

Damn the world is so unfair you know? I hate getting emo because of things like this,its just so lame,but I'm human too,its sad not because I'm done with everything,but because he seems so distant,its like he is not the same person anymore,talking with him now is not fun at all. He said he'll be my friend but everytime I talk to him I can't help but feel angry & have this sort of resentment towards him,I'm just so angry at everything,why things turn out this way,when it shouldn't be. Right on the 7th month,its so so unfair,he knows 7 is my favourite number,now I hate it,I start to hate everything I once love. Including him,its like there is nothing else to be happy about,like the lyrics of The Scripts "Breakeven".. What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

The worse is that I'm having my exams,fuck the world,such a coincidence? Its not even fun. I just can't bring myself to talk to him in a proper manner,probably because I am a cold hearted person,once you did something that hurt me badly,I won't wanna talk to you,but him,its not that I don't wanna talk to him,its just that I don't know what to say & what to do anymore,its not like he'll care. I tell myself he's not worth my time,but those 7 months I had with him are the happiest times I had with a guy,he may not be everything but he's there to talk to me & he supports me in everything I do except smoking cigars (which I know is bad for health). He even supports me inking my 1st tattoo,not all guys are that open minded. He makes me feel pretty all the time,which rarely happens because I have very low self esteem & he's the type that understands my language & he knows many things about me,I don't think I need anything more than that,but all of a sudden we seldom talk & he's not my boyfriend anymore,its very hard to accept that,everyday I swallow the water collected in my eyes (tears) & write down my feelings in my diary but who cares? My diary can't solve my problem for me?

Day 50 of 365 - Cecelia Ahern

I just finished reading "Where Rainbows End.." by Cecelia Ahern,it was so beautiful I cried like a moron after reading it. Then the 1st thing that popped into my mind was "Fuck my life". I wish my life is as awesome as books,not all books,but maybe Sophie Kinsella books,where my life revolves around Balenciaga bags & such,which will never happen,damn it. I'm so moody & emo nowadays I wonder how can I even laugh at things & try to act all cheerful in places like school? Maybe because I hate acting all emo in front of people,that's not me. Well,fuck the world then. I wanna buy all of Cecelia Ahern books,seriously!

middle finger
See this kitty? If his digits weren't webbed together & he can separate each finger or claw or whatever like a human can,I guarantee you he is showing you his middle finger like this o0o

I won't be updating much,exams,sorry but yeah,I forbid myself.
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