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Monday, July 05, 2010

Plans for the future

Its devastating,really,to know my life like this.
It hurts when people assume im in science stream when im actually not,
not all the smart people are in science stream,believe me.
My sis took away the netbook so i can't blog anymore,
fuck myself,fuck everyone around me please.
I know im useless since the moment im born.

Daddy,hate me all you want,im not the best in the family,
but im the only one you can have a conversation with,
if you ever neglect your responsibilities i have no choice but to hate you,
even though i can never hate my family members for real,
but human hearts have limits.

This morning my mum asked me again,
"If you don't wanna study,just stop school and help me earn money"
You think i never thought of quiting?
Its in my thoughts every single minute if my life,
i know im wasting time,money and energy,
i don't study,even if i tried too,it never really works,
im only capable to get C's and D's.
Except an A for the only subject that's already a part of me.

I hate reading some people's blog,cause they seem so happy.
They are already in college,they have nice stuffs,
but im not even sure if i can enter college,my results might only be good enough for spm.
Cause im stupid.
Even my dad thinks so,maybe because he always reminds me that im stupid,
it stucked into me,and i live everyday knowing that im stupid.
For now i'll just try my best,in whatever i can,
i try to earn money through blogging but im not that famous,
i haven't even got a paycheck from them.
Im lame.

Whatever it takes to earn money for my mum i'll try.
My dad is useless he's never gonna do anything,
if he chooses to leave i don't give a single shit about it.
Daphne protects her mum,i know how she feels,i need to preotect my mum too.
But i always fail and that ticks the crap out of me.
Help me help myself please.
I hate to blog bout emo problems,that's not me,
I don't always go on facebook but i always blog.
So please read my thoughts from here,don't ask me what is going on with me,
i don't really like talking bout family problems to others.
If im back with another story that means im able to use the netbook back.
So please wait for me to come back,
don't stop visiting me,if if you have to read the same stuffs over again,
im sorry im a lame blogger.
But i really need visitors,this is the only way i know you care.


bl.ts said...

no one is stupid in this world,they just haven find out your talent.....u r the best for me....

Banania said...

Hey thx :D
Ya i started to think more positive now.